TURN IT OVER TO GOD

I want to preface my posts on this blog by telling you that GOD gets the credit for anything good that comes from me, as I hope will be the case here. It's only through GOD'S awesome Grace that I am able to do this. My life belongs to Him. It took me a long time to understand that. Most of my life I have  tried to control everything that I did and everything others did, and I always came up short. This site is a place where I can share with you where I've been , what happened, and what my life is like today. Recovery from our hurts, habits, addictions, hangups or whatever is troubling us starts right where we are today. We can not change the past .When I really hit bottom I was a broken man. I drank alcoholicly for 30 some years and it took me places I never thought I would ever go. I made countless attempts to quit on my own , sometimes for other people , and sometimes because I was tired of being sick and tired. There were a couple of times in my life when I made successful attempts to sober up through the help of AA. I was able to stay sober 5 years in one such attempt and my life got better in spite of myself. The problem was , I was not drinking but I was still trying to run my life. I was full of myself. I made an attempt at working my way through the 12 steps in AA, but half measures availed me nothing in the long run. My life was run on fear and selfishess, self-centerdness and I failed miserably. I found out how the progression of the disease of addiction continues to grow in us even when we aren't using. After 5 years of being sober (or dry) I drank and was arrested for my 4th DUI after I wrecked another car and this time I crashed into a policeman. I was sentenced to 6+ years in prison and I served 3+ years. I went to AA in prison and stayed clean and sober while in prison. I reached out to God during this period of my life and He was with me I know. I tell you this because when I got out of prison and everything was going ok for a while I stopped reaching out to God and was again trying to run my life my way . I tried a little controlled drinking and for a while I did ok , but once again alcohol kicked my butt !!! I was a beaten, broken man . I feared I was one of those the Big Book of AA refers to as constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself. I was scared of living and afraid to die although I wanted to die to stop the pain and turmoil that constituted my life. I was lost ,broken and didn't know what to do or where to go . I feared God wouldn't help me if there was a God ,and I had my doubts that there was a God. I had one little moment of hope and I asked God to help me. That's where my recovery began and what an awesome journey it has been so far. I surrendered my life to God. I had finally gotten to the point where I knew my ways had never worked so I let God have all of me. That was the turning point in my life. I prayed for God to help me especially with my doubts and unbelief . In Mark 9:23-24 Jesus tells us "Everything is possible for him who believes." And the boys father said "I believe, help me with my unbelief."  That has been my prayer at times when I feel doubt that God is with me. And that "All things are possible to him who believes." Remarkable things began to happen in my life and I knew without any doubt that God was with me and working in my life. I didn't do all of this on my own. God put some very special people in my life , like my sponsor and my  friends in Celebrate Recovery and AA and my Church. God has also blessed me with a wonderful family who supports me . I know in my heart that God loves me and has a purpose for my life. Everyday is a gift from God and I ask Him to lead me and guide me in what it is He wants me to do. I go to Him with everything throughout my day and ask Him what it is I should do. And I thank Him for His awesome love and grace. If you would like to share your experience ,strength and hope I welcome any comments . Please join me often as we continue to seek God and His will for us .